Twenty-one years ago we brought (through the ministry we were running) several children over to the States from Sierra Leone, West Africa. Two of the young ladies became our daughters. At that time I was writing a monthly column called “On the Home Front”. I ran across this piece and decided to use it this month (with a few changes). At the time of the original piece our ladies had been with us for a little over a year. Now they have children of their own and they are all precious, living the charmed life. Here is what I wrote:
In Creating a Charmed Life Victoria Moran wrote, “In doing that thing — the thing that may be nagging or difficult — you develop courage. In doing the thing that seems tedious or boring, you develop poise. In doing the thing that looks to be beneath you, or just not what you want to do right now, you develop character. Keep at it and you will generate a presence about yourself that may not have been there before.”
(At that time) Maria and I were discussing her hair. She’d wanted to wear it in a way that was perfectly acceptable in Sierra Leone, but which looked, quite frankly, hideous to me. At one point in the conversation, she said, “Well, if people look at me and think that I don’t know how to take care of myself, then why should I care what they think. It’s my problem.” (Basically; not a literal translation.) I explained to her that our appearance makes a great deal of difference. Sure, that may have been the way she and many other people in Sierra Leone wore their hair. She wasn’t in Sierra Leone.
(Lest you jump to the conclusion that I was attempting to annihilate her ethnic roots, let me assure you that this is not the case. We have always wanted them to know who they are and were, and where they come from. I also want them to continue to know their families, their culture, and their language. However, I also realize that true pride in oneself will free one to be appropriate in other circumstances or settings as well. She may have been from the tropics, but it would be inappropriate for her to continue to dress like she did in the tropics on a 20 degree day.) Some things we do because it is the “right thing to do.”
But back to our discussion. I explained that when others saw her appearing inappropriately groomed, others might possibly think that she was unintelligent, or negligent, or just plain dirty, and that could lower their opinion of her. I explained that this could cause others to think our family was negligent about caring for her needs, and that would cast aspersions on our character. I explained that our mission organization could be considered shirking its responsibility to see to her welfare. I explained that people might think that people from Sierra Leone or Africa were dirty or slovenly. I explained that this could be translated to our Christian witness as well. If someone wants to think poorly of Christians anyway, it would give them more reason to do so. She accepted what I had to say, though she didn’t embrace it wholeheartedly. She learned to listen to what we said and accept our advice.
At any rate, today she is a beautiful Christian lady with a handsome husband and four beautiful, brilliant, and talented children. I don’t remember whether I have ever shared that quote with her. But instinctively she has realized that in accepting submissively the training we offered, she has continued to add to that courage, poise, and character. Not that she didn’t have those qualities before, but one can continue to develop and nurture what one already possesses.
How about the rest of us? Can we say that we are working to do what we don’t want, and developing courage? Are we trying to do those things that are tedious or boring, and thus gaining poise? Are we doing what we feel to be beneath us, and developing character? What kind of presence do we emanate? Thinking on the Moran quote might help you live a charmed life.
Try it. You might like it.
Photo by Yoksel 🌿 Zok on Unsplash